embarrassment

I generally try to steer clear of the idea that we see Jesus in other people.  While I don't see this notion as harmful or incorrect, it just weirds me out a little.  What I have experienced in the last few days, however, is a characteristic of God demonstrated in the fabulous man that is my husband.  

The last few days have been really embarrassing for me in my marriage.  Some of the details are too personal to share, but let's just explore these last two days in a way that will not mortify me even more.  Like I have mentioned before on my blog, I am still in what some would call the "newlywed" stage.  We have proudly survived nine months of marriage, but there are things that we have never experienced of one another.  Little quirks are constantly being revealed, and sometimes, those newly revealed things are not always so cute.  For example, Garrett is learning what it is like to live with a woman who has a curly head of hair.  The shower drain in constantly covered with the hair that I (almost) always forget to pick out.  All of the *cute* little habits have been discovered, and the ones left to discover are not always fun.  

So Garrett and I were driving tonight, and something just didn't "settle" right with my stomach (if you know what I mean).  So as I tried very politely to tell Garrett to step on it so we could get home, the speed limit and slow people searching for house numbers prevented the arrival at home from occuring as quickly as I would have preferred.  It sucks to be sitting next to the person you love most, with a growling and unpleasant stomach situation, and feeling embarrassed.  This is just one example of my embarrassement... you don't need to hear any more... 

But yesterday, as I am crying on the shoulder of my husband because I am so embarrassed, he said something profound to me.  "Something like this is not going to make me stop loving you."  I am astounded by the things about me that he endures.  What a hero.  And I have been reflecting a lot on what this tells me about God's love... 

I have always known that God would love me through any crap that I could do.  I could make bad choices, and God would love me anyway.  I guess what I haven't always internalized is the fact that God loves me in spite of my embarrassing things.  Even the things that my husband misses out on because they are that embarrassing, God knows, and loves me in spite of.  God knows and loves all of us.  Every part of us.  Every embarrassing or selfish or hidden part of us, God knows and loves us.  God has to.  It is part of the job description.

God is love.